So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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