My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize