This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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