We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
