No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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