You're so nebulous sometimes
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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