you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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