he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
