I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
