Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
