Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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