you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
