He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
