If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
