I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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