Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
