i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
