dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
this beer tastes like vomit already
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
