Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
