1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
