i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
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