Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
