Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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