youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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