Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
