I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
