She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
