im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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