First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
