What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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