you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
