did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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