If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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