That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
