is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
