So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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