I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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