I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
