I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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