so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize