Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
