Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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