At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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