i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
