awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
operation have a gay friend backfired
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize