Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
