Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
