You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
