you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
