strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
