my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize