I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
