Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
