Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
