arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
