I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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