literally had 100 drinks last night.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
