I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
