I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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