yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
