Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
