I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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