Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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