You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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