Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
