ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
