The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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