Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize