I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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